OMG!!! I'm panicking!! ABT SCHOOL!
School have yet to start and i'm already panicking! this is insane!
My 8mc mod is already consuming my life. A friend called and said she's looking for group members for our project and i'm seriously worried.
LIKE SERIOUSLY WORRIED
I don't know if i can do well. I certainly hope for the best. But this semester seems to be off with a bad start. Maybe i just need to calm myself down and do whatever i can. I can't go off panicking about something so far in the future i cannot predict right? I constantly ask myself what is the most important thing to me in life. But I have yet to find the answer and in a year i'd be graduating.
No more gallivanting.
No more nonsense.
No more school holidays.
This is totally starting to sound like pretty bad. But hey on the bright side... I'm interested in so many things. Product design. Chairs.. Especially chairs and furnitures! Its pretty odd. But i seem to have this "high" for chairs. Don't u find them fascinating? Going to start a facebook album all about chairs. hahahahahha..... No idea where this interest is going to lead me though. I definitely didn't inherit any of those artsy fatsy genes from my parents. Totally bad at drawing. Dun even know where my degree will lead me. Certainly hope its a bright end to this seemingly endless dark tunnel. ^__^"
Dream
Its been sometime since i've last posted on my blog. And from the looks of this long abandon blog, it is starting to look like its owned by someone who is suffering a depression. But to me, it is just a portal for me to write down my thoughts and if u happen to read it, i'm sorry u'd have to listen to me ramble.
I'm feeling very insecured at the moment. This feeling overwhelms me, it scares the crap out of me, it is killing me. I need peace, this is when i really need to find peace within me so that i can concentrate on studying. I'm scared. I know that i don't want to give up, but i am not sure if things would be within my control. It constantly frightens me and sends me thinking if things would have been different if i chose to apply for an overseas scholarship when i was in secondary. I am like an aimless float, drifting and searching for the one place to land. To settle, to find the goal of my life, the one thing that i would set of my passion, even burning my life for. Where is it? I haven't found it. I've been looking so hard but yet it eludes me. It is like a mirage, representing all that is beauty, surreal but unreal. Where is this dream I'm looking for? Maybe i'm exhausted, maybe i may not find the dream i'm looking for. What am i capable of? What am i good in? I have no questions to any of those. I'm merely a simple, very average girl. I envy those who know exactly what they want in life and have already set out on their voyage to achieve it. I do not know how long i have, but i know that i do not want to live my life just enough to survive. I want to have a dream, but what is my dream? Is there anyone who can answer this for me?
I just spotted a long forgotten old snack in cold storage today and its impossible not to share the excitement!
Gosh... Deb got me a tin of these from one of her overseas trip and i can never forget those sweet tasting devil popcorn! After this popcorn will never taste the same!
Still it's costing a bomb to get one of these in cold storage.. tadaaaa... ($16 plus per tin) crazy hur?
All the supermarts are stocking up on their christmas packages and its omg expensive but it all looks soooo good!
There's this other really divine chocolate that I've tasted recently and they are selling it in a pack for like 8bucks! Forgot to snap a picture of it. Shall do so when i actually buy it! hahahahhaa... pull out your wallet guys! its time to do some Christmas goodies shopping to tide you through those late nights and major exam depressions!
I'm so bored of coding..!!
I'm not even sure if i got it right.
I'm just coding class by class by class of it
SAVE ME!!
Wat a joke!
I just made some pancakes.. [Notice the lack of excitement? COZ i failed?!!]
Actually.. it didn't really look or taste like wuffy fluffy pipping hot pancakes. It looked really much like fried roti prata!Actually it looks very much like those kimichi pancakes u can find in most of the Korean restaurants!
hahahahahaa... Well its going to take me sometime to recover from the failure and i think the next time i shall just stick to ordering pancakes from macs.
Sorry guys.. no wuffy fluffy piping hot pancakes till i rediscover how to make them in a non stick pan without frying it by mistake!
Well at least it was fun and it made my mood a lot better. The pancakes in the picture right there depicts my lifelong journey to the "production" of the perfect pancake. In the meantime, i'm going to try my best to punish myself by eating those "rotten" pancakes i made.
A very bitter post
For starters.. i'm really restless today! I know there's a lot of work waiting for me to do, but i need to know that it's really crunch time for me to concentrate and really get down to it. But I just don't feel it. I think denial is setting in. Maybe a trip to the school library is in need. Maybe i haven't been in school long enough this sem to actually know i'm screwed.
I KNOW I'M SCREWED! I think my brain just refuse to admit it. It's in this comfy little corner denying the very existence of it.
There are times to do things and times that don't. I've been thinking of that and i know deep in heart that i shouldn't be watching tv or dramas or doing all things fun now. I should be in my misery staring at a bunch of words that isn't English but is suppose to be making some sense to me. Maybe all i want is just one day. JUST ONE DAY free from all these. Last friday could have been a great outing but it was all ruined because i didn't check the deadline for an assignment and my group had to stay up till 5 in the morning rushing it. I know i haven't been a great project group mate and I'm sorry for that. Please will someone just tell me why I've been born in this world? WILL U JUST TELL ME WHAT I'M LIVING FOR? Even better tell me why i'm in my current status now. It just doesn't make any sense to me. All rationalizing fails to make any sense of my situation now.
I'M FEELING BITTER RIGHT NOW! And i'm a bitch at it.
One more last thing. OMG.. this girl has a crazy collection of shoes! I really mean crazy collection! She's pretty. She's rich. She has nice shoes and clothes. Haizzzz.... how nice! Its the link at the side-->seaofshoes
OK suddenly i'm feeling the panic attacks about my future so i'm here to blog and spill and make sure some of the panic waves will ride on far away.
I'm not excatly sure how this goes but i think it has something to do with me going for my first week of tutorials in a long long time and this being my 3rd year really sorts of weigh down on me in this rather depressing economic times. Why do we have to grow up? I'm not sure if i can even handle the corporate pressure and the constant rat race, heck I'm already up to my neck with the competition in NUS! Or just maybe it's the uncertainty of doing programming again in 2261 which after lots of small talks can be concluded one of the few creepy modules in SOC for people like me. I'm not quite sure if i can handle school anymore. I think all i need is a mix of motivation and some aim to work towards that will eventually lead to something nice?
Is it normal for a uni student to actually not know what they wanna do in the future? I guess i have another 2 more years to figure out but that is not going to be very long considering the past 2 years in NUS had just gone past in a flash. Suddenly the future seem really bleak as it closes in on me.
